Back to the past of wife swapping.
In the fifties the newspapers referred to it as “wife-swapping.” Today it’s called “swinging,” but despite of its name this swinging lifestyle seems to be growing in recognition among majority, middle-aged married couples in the US. The popular media are paying increasing attention to the trend, regularly putting a optimistic spin on the effects which swinging has upon relationships. The North American Swing Club Association (NASCA) claims there are organized swing clubs in just about all states as well as France, England, Germany, and Japan. These clubs are productive ventures which offer all levels of group activities for swingers including vacation plans, special holiday sites for swingers, and yearly conferences and seminars. Lifestyles, Inc., a swingers voyage agency, booked 700 couples at a resort in Jamaica in February of 1998.
What exactly is swinging? Unlike “open marriages” of the 1970’s which promoted non-possessive love and broadmindedness of unfaithfulness in their spouses, or “polyamory” - the love of many people at once – swinging is non-monogamous sexual activity, treated much like any other social activity, that can be practiced as a couple. Emotional monogamy, or dedication to the love relationship with one’s marital partner, remains the major focus. Wife swapping is frequently done in the attendance of one’s spouse and requires the approval of both to the practice. Although swingers often become close friends with other swinging couples, there are rules restricting emotional involvement with non-spousal partners. While swinging involves having sex with people other than one’s spouse, its followers claim that it enhances the relationship of the swinging couple both sexually and emotionally. By removing the privacy and dishonesty inherent in one’s natural desires for sexual variety, the pair can discover their fantasies mutually without deceit or shame. By removing the need for deceit from the marriage, a new stage of confidence and openness about all of one’s feelings is apparently achieved without the negative baggage of jealousy.
Swinging as an alternative lifestyle is of both practical and intellectual importance because the attempt to merge sexual non-monogamy with emotional monogamy is basically “unusual” from the western model of idealistic love which assumes that sexual and emotional monogamy are reciprocally reinforcing and inseparable. It has yet to be demonstrated empirically whether this alternative lifestyle actually strengthens or weakens marital bonds, but in an era where 37% of husbands and 30% of wives, sometimes so-called hotwives admit to having had at least one extra-marital affair, where divorce rates for first marriages are approaching 62%, and where family instability and parental neglect of kids has become a main national worry, any attempt to redefine “love” and strengthen the marital relationship is worthy of our attention. If swingers have found a way to stabilize relationships, extend family ties, and enrich the lives of couples we would be remiss if we did not take their lifestyle and their redefinition of monogamous love seriously.
It is concluded that swingers surveyed are the white, middle-class, middle-aged, church-going segment of the residents reported in past studies, but when it comes to attitudes about sex and marriage they are less racist, less sexist, and less heterosexist than the common population. Swinging appears to make the vast majority of swingers’ marriages happier, and swingers rate the happiness of their marriages and life satisfaction commonly as higher than the non-swinging population.